Rough Day Among Many Good Days
I just want to drop a quick note for anyone that has noticed my lack of posts or has been waiting for a response to a question they sent, etc. I have had an incredibly busy summer with moving, spending more time with my kids, and being much more active socially. Today I finally caught my breath a little and had a chance to go out for a bike ride. I then took it easy tonight and watched the movie Tallulah (it was good).
I kind of felt this coming on all day..
I just cried for about 40 minutes. I have been working so incredibly hard on a million things and staying so active that there was just a ton of exhaustion, frustration, stress and emotion built up. It was the kind of cry where I was having trouble breathing the tears were coming so fast. The bike ride helped me slow down because I was tired enough after it to just lay down for a while. I needed this release of all this tension. I needed that cry.
Buying a new place and all that went into it was extremely difficult while also working, taking care of my kids (I have been able to have them with me much more often the past couple of months), while at the same time having to still meet with my lawyer regarding my divorce.
Thankfully, I have still been able to make a point of being more social. My new friends and the activities I have been able to take part in have been amazing. I have not even been able to write about it all yet, but I plan to. I will also catch up on my inbox soon so I am sorry if you have been waiting to hear back from me.
I am in a very good place and ‘doing well’ and yet I am also dealing with the emotions of remembering what was happening in my life this time last year.
I was catching up with a good friend last night and there is so much to try and describe. It is hard to paint the picture of how low I was this time last year and how far I have come. As I look back at the past year, I am grateful, upset, a little angry, happy, exhausted, yet full of hope and determined to keep blazing forward.
People contact me and tell me they wish they could be like me and they wish they could transition and be as pretty and as courageous. There are times where I feel like an ugly monster that will never be fully accepted by my family. I do appreciate the compliments and the notes of support. There are times I feel like all I have done was squeak by and survive as best I could. There are times I do feel pretty and beautiful and I think you can see that in some of my pictures. That is of course one of the reasons I take them, to capture the moments when I am feeling positive about myself.
I included one such moment above. The year of Ari marches on.. hopefully with more updates to be posted soon 😉
I wish you all the best and I hope positive changes are happening in your lives.