Random Picture Post – Wonderful but Tough Times

I had a bit of a rough weekend. Major crying fits last night. Fell asleep about 3 am, got up briefly in the morning then went back to sleep until about 2:45 pm today. Could be hormones, but it was more likely where my thoughts were stuck focusing. I was missing my kids. After spending about 30 hours with them, I came back to an empty apartment and broke down crying. I love them so much and wish my transition was not costing us all so much. Also, this week is going to be challenging. I should be getting the first draft of my divorce agreement to review this week. Also, I have been talking with a supportive HR person I have found at work. We are going to have a conference call with my manager this Wednesday and I am going to come out to him. I am terrified but excited about that. I work from home for a conservative company based in the South (I live in the suburbs of Chicago). I love my job and want to hold onto it so I am worried. Still, that overriding hope has found its way back to the forefront of my mind again. Please send positive thoughts my way this week!

Overall, in spite of the rough weekend, the past two weeks have been amazing. I spent most of it being able to be myself. I saw a podiatrist (foot doctor – she was awesome and treated me like any woman) about an issue that was preventing me from wearing my more fun shoes and got good news about that. I had my second laser hair removal appointment and an electrolysis appointment for an area other than my face. *Ahem*

Anyway, I just want to share that even though I felt incredibly beat down, weak, and just plain overwhelmed on Saturday night/early Sunday – I am doing my best to blaze forward and be confident that things will all work out.

I wish you all the best.

Not long before bed, makeup off, hair mussed all up.. still feeling absolutely myself – boy mode your days are so very numbered!



What transitioning has done both to and for me in 2015

Family – my marriage is ending and at least one family member won’t speak to me, although my kids still love me unconditionally

Friendships – have not lost any yet (the few I had are still around), and gained some new ones

Weight – down about 35 lbs from the time of the “before” photos above (overall weight loss over 50 lbs since early 2014)

Cholesterol – from high and needing medication to perfect scores with no medication needed

Confidence in self – way.. way up

Being out in public as my true self – from never to nearly full time

Self Confidence – also way up!

Happiness – from the most painful year of my life to unending hope for the future

Breasts – from falsies to “Oh baby I have actual B cups!”

Strength – lost a lot of muscle, but I have NEVER been STRONGER!

Overall body shape – curves in many new places 😉

Age – I started HRT at age 40 on Halloween of 2014, I am now 41

It is never too late to figure out how to be your authentic self!!

Happy 2016 Everyone! I love my tumblr followers. Thank you so much for your messages of support. They have always come when needed most. This has been the most painful, most difficult, most stressful, happiest, and perhaps healthiest year of my life. I have made it through a lot but there are still many challenges ahead. Buckle Up for the Year of Ari 😉


EDIT 01/20/16: The last photo had some weird lighting so I posted a more recent pic