So.. I am very far into my “surgery prep day.” 

I started the day with one cup of coffee. I have had chicken broth for all of my meals. At 11am I drank 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate mixed with 7up. It was not horrible. At 3pm, I began drinking a 64 oz bottle of gatorade mixed with an entire 14 day dose bottle of Miralax. Needless to say, I have been visiting the restroom easily once an hour. I am wrapping up my packing for the hospital.

I am in a great mood considering my tummy not feeling normal. At this point I think I have done all of my anxiety driven worrying and such. I am now just setting my sights on a week from now, two weeks from now, six weeks from now.. and I am picturing great things.

I think the best way to end this post will be to include a message I posted to my Facebook page. I have had more hurtful messages and harassment on Facebook than any other social platform because people there knew me pre-transition and they seem to think they can define me. I post more on all other forms of social media due to this. This is meant as a celebratory message, but also as a rebuke of those people:

———————–FACEBOOK POST——————————-

Ari is having Surgery!
Tomorrow morning I will begin a long hospital stay in Chicago. This surgery is related to my transition. I am elated and so relieved to finally reach this moment.

For me, this step simply will bring my body more fully into alignment with my gender. There is a misconception out there that this will be the moment that I ‘become a woman’, but I feel that is an out of date way of looking at gender and that view is more about social conformity. 

I am just Ariana.

Gender Today: Female

Gender Tomorrow: Female

Gender at Birth: Female

Biological Sex at Birth: Male

For those scratching their heads, there are scientific journal articles that explain that gender is experienced neurologically and that it is independent of the biological sex of the body. Most people are lucky enough to have those two match. My parents won the lottery and had a child without a matching set of biological sex and gender. 

Over the past three plus years I have simply been able to crack out of the shell I was placed in at birth and I am already free and so very happy and the healthiest I have ever been in my life. This surgery is scary of course. There are risks. However, I accept those risks and I am willing to face the difficult recovery. I have jumped through countless hurdles to be approved for this surgery. The medical community understands what this is and those entrusted with my care agree that this is right for me. I know there are people in my social circle here on Facebook who would say they “do not agree with this.”

I would ask those people, “How do you not agree with the existence of a person?" 

I am here. I exist. I am happy. I am strong. I am highly intelligent. I am mentally sound. Like each of you, I am a beautiful creation.. an example of the breadth and wealth of human existence.

Now, I choose to fully be me.


Also, I just want to take a moment to mention that my surgery is being partially funded by people that have come out the woodwork to support me through donations. 

My website, blog, Huffington Post articles, and social media accounts are places where I am open and honest about being transgender.  

My story has reached 98 countries and thousands of people. I get messages of support and of thanks daily. 

Those messages drown out the cyber bullying which has grown weaker and weaker lately.

I am so grateful to those that have donated. Thank you! If you are interested in seeing the messages people have left as they showed up to support me, here is the link:

Now.. let’s do this! 


I was able to start my day having brunch with a supportive friend 🙂 Since then it is has been all about running errands and cleaning/preparing my place for my recovery from surgery.


Two Days Ten Hours 30 Minutes and Counting!

I still have a lot to do but there is this excitement building in me that is hard to express adequately. I still have some slight irrational anxiety that something will happen that will prevent my surgery from proceeding. However, I have been sleeping better the last couple of nights. One reason why I have been able to sleep better comes from the recent donations from some amazing people out there. You all are blowing me away and helping more than you know. 

If anyone still is looking to donate.. please remember that even $2.00 donations make an impact, especially with the numbers of people out there that seem to be following my story (Holy cow.. 13,350 followers on tumblr now?? Hi Everyone!). 

If we can make one last little push here then I know my after-care and ability to order food, etc in the coming weeks will not be a stress point financially.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Donation Link:

My surgery countdown timer:

My website:

My Twitch Streaming Channel:

(I will likely do one last brief stream tomorrow night before being away from it for a while due to my recovery)


3 Years! Sorry this is a long post and you may have to manually load the last couple of images!

That’s right, I have hit my 3-year mark of being on HRT. Halloween is my hormone-iversary! It just happened to be the day that my HRT prescription was first filled and available to me. The 3-year mark for HRT is widely considered to be about the point in time when HRT has done most of its work for those transitioning. As I prepare for my surgery in two weeks, this is a look back at the events and pics in and around the month of October for the past 3 years in the life of Ari..



The Good – 2014: 

Since February of 2014, I began to be much healthier after deciding to finally accept and address the fact that I was transgender and planned to share that with other people. I took it slow, but I immediately started to care about actually taking care of myself and my body once I had finally forgiven myself for being transgender (it sounds ridiculous I know). By the time the photos above were taken, I had already lost about 30 pounds and would eventually lose over 65 pounds.

By October 31st, I had visited the Howard Brown Center in Chicago multiple times and I got my first HRT prescription filled on Halloween (it just happened to be that day – easy to remember though!). My plan at that point was just to be on HRT and hope that it helped me with my dysphoria. It turns out it was a night and day difference and in a matter of weeks it was as if the lights were on for the first time in my life.

Major Stresses at the time – 2014:

  • Out to my spouse, only one friend, and one family member
  • When I come out to my spouse, she tells me she can’t be with a woman, so I do not view fully transitioning as being in my future
  • I had to go to Howard Brown and seek help on my own because I am desperate for the dysphoria to be addressed
  • I feel utterly alone in dealing with all of this and along with suffering massive guilt at the same time because I blame myself even though I should not



The Good – 2015:

I spend the first part of 2015 becoming more androgynous.

I am out to my children, but I switch back to guy mode whenever I am around them to give them time to adjust.

Being out and about finally as myself, I begin to make friendly acquaintances with some employees at grocery stores, salons, and clothing stores I frequent. 

My hair is slowly growing out but my signature curls are already in full effect.

Also – I finally like Halloween, now that I feel like myself under the costume! So, yay for costumes!


Major Stresses at the time – October 2015:

  • Over 5 months of marriage counseling failed to do anything about the fact that I was and would always be transgender and my spouse did not want to be with a transgender woman. The decision had been made in September to get a divorce and knowing my marriage is over I decide to begin working towards fully transitioning.
  • Moved to a new apartment all by myself with no help. 

  • Dealing with being surrounded by smoking neighbors in my little one bedroom apartment (YUCK!!).
  • Supporting two households on my one income.
  • Going through painful electrolysis on my facial hair.
  • Spending time still attempting ‘boy mode’ when with my kids and parents so they can have time to adjust.
  • Being gendered as male or female on any given day while out shopping, just living my life.
  • Being regularly misgendered by my parents and siblings during visits and one of my closest family members has rejected me completely


I declare 2016 “The Year of Ari.” I was determined to allow myself to fully come out to the world.


The Good – 2016

In March, my Kids tell me I can pick them up "As myself.” From that moment on.. no more boy mode! In May, I complete my official name change! I was also totally out at work by this point but I was working from home so I only see co-workers occasionally for major events or work trips. I have been out swimming again in both one and two piece (but still mid-riff covering) bathing suits. I published my first article as a contributor to The Huffington Post. I switched from electrolysis to laser hair removal on my face. By the start of summer, I have begun to see a therapist with the intention of meeting the WPATH guidelines for gender confirmation surgery. By focusing on being more social and going to meetups (thank you!) throughout 2016, I have built a network of friends in and around what I now consider my home town. 

In the fall, I began streaming on my Twitch gaming channel – but not at all on a regular schedule.

Major Stresses at the time – October 2016:

  • Divorce nearing the end phase and dealing with lawyers and legal speak is not something I handle well.
  • Under major financial distress
  • A shortage in Estradiol medication causes me to have to switch from injections to patches and my numbers drop severely low. Dysphoria hits me hard for a solid month.
  • Still being regularly misgendered by my parents and siblings during visits and one of my closest family members has still rejected me completely


Ari is now officially single again


The Good – 2017

My relationship with my kids is as amazing as ever and my teenage daughter and I connect in new ways and have lots more to discuss 😉 After all, we are both going through puberty at the same time! My son and I are also doing great and you can occasionally witness us playing games as a team on my Twitch channel (though he is off camera).

My divorce was finalized at the beginning of 2017.

I declared this the Decade of Ari, because one year was not enough 😉

I am once again working in the office two days a week (I am actually enjoying it!), though the rest of the week I work from home.

I am pretty much “there” as far as facial hair removal goes, but I still deal with some slow growing colorless hairs on my chinny chin chin (these hairs are by-products of earlier electrolysis that laser won’t help with). I want to have electrolysis on my face soon to finish off those little buggers.

I went mostly blonde! At least for a while 🙂

I have begun dating again!

I am streaming on Twitch on a regular basis.  

Thanks to donations from many of you, I received just barely enough assistance to make my surgery happen. My goal has not been met, and there is still a large financial burden I am having to meet. (if you want to help and can, here is the link: )


Major Stresses at the time – 2017:

  • Preparing for Surgery (so anxiety inducing) – planning, calling, managing, attending appointments, more calling, more managing, and more calling, more appointments…
  • As a pre-surgical requirement, I had a mammogram and in doing so also had a breast cancer scare (it turned out to be nothing after a followup mammogram and an ultrasound, but for 9 days I suddenly began having to think that my surgery might never happen and I might have to instead begin to battle cancer).
  • Three long sessions of electrolysis performed on my crotch for surgery prep = enough said!
  • One of my closest family members has still rejected me completely


Thank you for taking a look back with me. I am sorry for monopolizing your dash for this long post. I am very grateful to my tumblr community though and I wanted to celebrate this with you.

A hormone-iversary feels like a re-birthday to many of us who transition and it is special.

You may notice that I smile a lot and I try to maintain a positive attitude no matter what is happening in my life. It has been the central key to getting where I am now. It helps that through all of the trials, simply being able to be myself brought out so much happiness that I could always find that feeling again. 🙂

I am also grateful for every donation I have received. As I mentioned, there was just enough donated (by the slimmest of margins!) for me to be confident enough to move forward with this. 

On to surgery and on to seeing what 2018 will bring!


For more about my story and for my transgender advocacy website:

For donations:

For my Twitch channel:

I almost forgot!!

What would a Halloween Hormone-iversary be without Costumes! 


Yay! I love dressing up for Halloween now that I can finally be me while doing it!

Happy Halloween everyone!