Another Ariana technical term.. “gut wrenching annual internal clock.” Have you ever noticed that every year, the same week/time period of a past emotional trauma can affect your health or outright flood your memories for several days? For me, the worst is early July. I am filled with feelings of anxiety and gut wreching memories from years ago (6 years to be exact).

It was at this time that my marriage was ending even though I did not want it to. The worst part was this was also the time period that we had to break the news to my kids. That particular day remains the most emotionally painful day of my life.

It was followed shortly thereafter by saying goodbye to them knowing for the first time in their lives they would be away from me for far too many days at a time and nothing would ever be the same again.

I get through this period of time each year by finding peace in extra time outside or in a project that challenges me. I still make plans with my friends during this time but find myself sometimes canceling them. 😞 I am sharing all of this here just to make people aware that this is a thing if they have not recognized it before in their own life. Our brains are like associative AI machines.. for me early July is associated with great pain. The first couple of years after this event I would have unexplained night time panic attacks during this time period.

What time of year is it for you? Is it because a loved one died or a marriage ended? How do you cope each year? Has it gotten a little better each year like it has for me?

I wish you all peaceful days and healing thoughts. Far to many of my trans siblings out there know what is like to have to face this kind of pain simply for telling our spouses the truth about who we are.

#maidenariana #storytime #difficultdays #justbeyou #decadeofari #hazeleyes #purpleskaterdress #transvengers #lgbt #blondegirllife #fuschiagirl #twitchaffiliate #ihaveapatreon #linksinprofile #instaprofilehasmylinks

Story Time.. about this dress.. It once belonged to my former spouse. I rescued it from a Goodwill donation pile. You see, when I came out, I was told out of ‘concern’ that I would not make an attractive woman. Being attractive has nothing to do with the reasons for transitioning. Note: I already was a woman as my gender (which is different from biological sex) has always actually been very far on the female side of the spectrum. Anyway, I rescued this dress and promised myself I would one day not only fit in it, but totally rock it. Well.. you be the judge. I think I did okay 65+ lbs and 6.5 years of transition later. #JUSTBEYOU #itsalluptoyou #storytime #decadeofari #maidenariana #hazeleyes #nofilter #ringlightselfie #greendressgreeneyes #newhaircolor #transvengers #lgbt #fuschiagirl #blondegirllife #blowoutstyles #heylookitsariana #ihaveapatreon #linksinprofile #instaprofilehasmylinks

As many of us look at the prospect of missing our friends at least in person for a while, I want to share a post about lasting friendship.

The photo with this post says a thousand words on its own. This past February, my friend Eric and I recreated a photo his mom took of us over 30 years ago.

Eric and I shared a love for technology and experienced the evolution of personal computing together, both being lucky enough to have parents that encouraged our interest. We were very ahead of our time 😉

Our strong friendship, though centered around our common hobbies, also had a lot to do with our shared temperament. We spent countless hours learning about computers and creating things with them, not just playing games. Because of that shared time, I have the career I have now.

We had so much in common it was uncanny, except for one very big difference that would become obvious many years later.

While I considered Eric to be like a same aged brother from another mother, it would not be until many years later that he learned I was actually his sister from another mother.

Though we’ve lived in separate states for many years now, he was the first person I fully came out to as transgender. His response was exactly what I would have expected. A response filled with care, acceptance, and offers of support.

In many ways telling him was the first step to me being able to be the open and honest person I am today with the world at large.

Be there for your friends, with real support and emotion, and don’t be afraid to be your true self with your friends. It makes a huge difference in their lives no matter their location on this planet. Let’s all draw closer together during this time and let people know we care.

Thank you Eric! Love you buddy! Your sister, Ariana 🙂

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